Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Steps of Faith

Growing up I always saw steps of faith as God asking me to do something scary, or intimidating. My perspective on this has changed in so many ways as I have grown in relationship with God, and learned to trust God in new ways. I now understand that a step of faith is simply trusting God, and that the more I take them the more I trust, the more I trust the less scary the next step is. This is simply because each step of faith I have taken before, God has proven faithful. He has proven that He hasn't failed and that He won't start failing me now.

God put a desire in my heart from the time I was a small child to want to be a full time missionary. I loved the heart of it, sharing Jesus, and helping people. I loved the idea of the adventure of it, I loved the idea of knowing God so well I was willing to trust Him to go places and do big things for Him. Through these first 10 years of my adult life I have learned that the trusting of God to do big things does come from knowing Him more and more, but even more than that it comes from trusting Him with what may seem like small things. The big things are important to trust Him with too, however they only truly come up now and then, but the day to day, the everyday obedience to Him is where you grow in your trust, the trust to do new and big things later on down the road.

For me some of the biggest examples of these day to day steps of faith, where I need God to show up and prove Himself are the things like serving in my local church when God asks me to serve, talking to someone in the grocery store, that I may have otherwise passed by, and calling and praying for a friend even when I worry it will feel awkward. It can also be listening to the Holy Spirit's prompting on what my children actually need from me throughout a specific day. Most recently God has shown me it can also be asking Him to intervene and give me the energy and disciple I need to accomplish what I need to accomplish that day. This is more than just having Christ on the throne, this is an intimacy, one that come from years of serving Him. This is also not asking God what kind of ice cream I should buy, or if I should vacuum, that day, but just being simply aware and sensitive to what He is doing, and being involved.

Some of the big things so far for me have been deciding to want to have kids, and being willing to try again after the loss of our first baby. Buying a house, this one was big not because of the actual act of buying our home, but because at the time in my heart, it represented the laying down, the dying of a dream. Choosing to fight fear in my life head on, and consciously choose to trust God instead of walk in fear. (Fear has been a big issue during a lot of my life, this was a scary choice and a big step of faith to tell God that I truly believed He was bigger than my fear.) The sacrifice of my dream and never knowing whether or not that dream would get a chance to come through. Having God bring that dream back, and offer an opportunity to pursue it, and trust Him even more. This was a huge step of faith because it meant giving up, letting go of the new comfort and vision God had given me for our time here. (more to come about this specific step of faith in the coming posts)

As I take these subsequent steps of faith I am always more and more encourage because I know my God doesn't fail, I know He won't start now. I also know that contrary to how many believers speak He is good, and He is trustworthy. He does not walk us into something to see how we squirm or handle it. He walks with us into seasons, and despite what His perfect plan was, He pulls the good out of the new one that was effected by our world, people, and ourselves.

God has proven to me that the steps of faith I take everyday, are steps closer to Him, to understanding His heart. Steps that can be taken in confidence knowing that He is not out to punish me, Jesus took that, He isn't out to make me uncomfortable to no reason, but that He cares deeply for me. He cares for the desires of my heart, and He doesn't just want me to be content because I made myself content, but He desires for me to be content in Him and Him alone.

Sunday, March 8, 2015


What are you afraid of?

What holds you back?

Often times as Christians we know we are called to live a fearless life. Yet so often we walk in fear, we just cover it up. We mask it with insecurities, or doubt, and don't recognize it for the fear that it is. We fear that we will miss an opportunity that God has provided or we will take the wrong step so we don't. Or we fear we will miss it so we jump out of fear to take every step, sacred to stay. Does this sound familiar? I know I have lived a lot of my life fluctuating between a fear of not taking the right step, and a fear of missing the next step.

About a year ago my husband and I made a huge life change. We decided that we didn't want to live our lives in fear. We didn't want to make any decisions based on fear. We wanted to live lives based on truth, on what we know is true and never fear. This sounds great, it has been a long walk of seeing what it looks like to truly live like this and I am convinced it is a life long journey. We went from always saying " well I'm scared of..." Or "my fear is..." To basically eliminating the word from our vocabularies. This really made me stop and evaluate what I was really thinking and feeling about things that came up. I noticed that often fear was the root but the cause was usually something simple. How silly it seemed that I have been allowing that fear to control so much of my life. I can say that a year later, a year of retraining how I think, how I process things, and how I speak, I am less fearful than I have ever been, and God has been faithful to renew my mind in this area.

How have I allowed God to do this in my life? The key was focusing in on Him, on the promises from His scripture of a sound mind, of peace, and not of a spirit of fear. Of focusing on what I know from the bible is true about God. He isn't out to get me. He isn't trying to make me uncomfortable at every turn. He knows my heart, He knows me, He knows what I need, and what my family needs better than I do. He is where who I am comes from. He established my identity long before I formed my fake one. Understanding these truths changed everything for me. I'd always known these things, but to force myself to walk them out and live it out is an animal totally different for me. He has changed me through this process. He has expanded my perspective, my understanding and challenged me to take steps of faith I wouldn't have before. When you look fear in the face and see that compared to your God, compared to Jesus they are so small it makes it easier to let go of that fear and trust.

Sometimes the biggest step of faith is staying where you are doing what God has called you to for that season. Sometimes it's dropping everything for a new adventure. Whatever it is take that step of faith. Combat the fear with truth, and when you find yourself saying "I'm sacred of..." Or "I'm worried about" look at why. How do you really feel? What lie are you believing that feeds that fear you have? What do you not believe about who God is? What do you kneed to know?  We are called to stand in truth, not fear. We are called to walk in truth. To know who we are in Christ. Our descisons that we make cannot be based on fear, they must be based on the truth of the gospel and who we are in Christ. The truth that he has never failed and He won't start now. The truth that God is good and He is trustworthy.

Walk in truth not fear, it has changed my perspective and life, and I cannot wait to see what God does as I continue to learn how to live my life in this way.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Why am I not doing that?...

                   So often we focus on what we are not doing. Which can lead to a spin of guilt, and lies. The issue with focusing on what you're not doing, or the legality of what you are doing, is that it opens doors for lies. It allows yourself to think of all the ways you are not measuring up, and beat yourself up about all of those ways. This takes your eyes off the prize of Jesus and puts them on the things that may not matter. Now hear me when I say I totally get need to act your way into feelings when it comes to how you feel about doing things God is asking you to do. I get that. I also totally get that our everyday choices come down to choices to draw closer to God and His heart, or not. Both of these things are key elements when it comes to seek and serving our King. However there is a fine line when it becomes not about that. For me it is when life gets busy, and though I have my daily conversations with God, and I am reminded of scripture throughout the day, at the end of the day I get this feeling a of guilt, I never sat down and spent time with God today, I never worked on my blog today, I spent time doing (fill in the blank here) instead of time with God. I can't believe I did that! Then the downward spiral begins, and I start to lose sight in the amazing grace that God has for me. The good news that He loves me. That he valued the 10mins I spent talking with Him in the car that day. That he spoke to my heart when I remembered that verse. That my life is enough for Him. He created me to live. He created me to do exactly what I am doing. He enjoys watching me ride my bike, and speaking to me in the quiet of a solitary bike ride. He enjoys watching me take care of my family, and speaks to me as I am doing dishes, folding laundry and playing with Amirah. Why? Because He enjoys me. He created me for His enjoyment, for relationship with Him, and apart of that relationship is caring for the things He has given me to care for, and seeking Him.
                 When I focus in on what I am not doing, I am suddenly not enough. I quickly become not enough for myself, and that very quickly shifts to not enough for my family and for God. The wonderful thing is that He is faithful. He is faithful to walk through each and every season with us. The seasons that are so sweet and wonderful where we are spending hours of quality alone time with Him, and the seasons that we feel lucky to get the few scriptures from our phone before we roll out of bed in the morning, and 30mins in that car with Him, and every season in between. He is faithful to meet us where we are at. To use us in ways we don't expect or don't want to expect. To bring us through uncomfortable times, and to bring us into wonderful contentment. To bring us through season of growing and learning and sharing, and to bring us through dry, lonely, and quiet times. He is faithful.
                 To wrap up this long post... He is faithful when I am not, He is faithful even when I am disobedient, and a relationship with Him is so much more simple than we try to make it. Believe in the sacrifice that Jesus made for you. Accept that sacrifice, and life like someone who has had someone else die for them. Don't make it about your works alone, but about bring joy to Him, glory to our Lord. Don't allow anything to creep in and tell you that you are not enough. You were enough when Jesus died on that cross for you, you were enough when you are buried in your sin, shame and guilt. You are enough. You are enough as He brings you through healing, and restoration. He loves you right where you are right now.
                My husband and I love music, and it is a way for us to really connect and even be honest with God even when we feel like it is hard. It is also a way that God uses to speak to us often. Two songs I haven't been able to shake lately are:
 "This I Believe" By Hillsong worship which is just a declaration of what I believe. Simple, true and refreshing.
"Here's My Heart" By David Crowder, which I guess is just Crowder now... but it also is such a simple song and truly is the cry of my heart, and has been for as long as I can remember, someone finally put words to what my heart longs for. At least that is what it feels like right now.
Here are some of the words to this beautiful song:
 " Here's my heart Lord , speak what is true. "
"I am found, I am yours, I am loved, I'm made pure, I have life, I can breathe, I am healed, I am free."
"Cause you are strong, you are sure, you are life, you endure, you are good, always true, you light breaking through"
"Here's my life Lord, speak what is true"
"You are more than enough, you are here, you are love, you are hope, you are grace you're all i have you're everything."
"Speak what is true"

My prayer is that wherever you are at, whatever you might be wrestling with God over, that He would speak what is true, clearly to your heart, and you would always remember that you're value and you're worth, is no dependent on what you do. It is dependent on what Jesus did.

Obedience / He is faithful

          Writing this blog is a struggle for me. It is hard for me not because I don't have a lot to say, if you know me, you know I have plenty to say. It is a struggle because I want it to be meaningful. If it's meaningful then I have to put myself out there and allow others to read what I learning in my heart, and share not necessarily just with those I want to share with. What will others think? These are pieces of who I am, and who I am becoming.
            However, there comes a point where when God asks you to do something and you simply don't that it is disobedience. I have been living in this disobedience in regard to writing on my blog for awhile now... months really... I have lots and lots of excuses, just like I am sure anyone reading this does for their sin/disobedience in their life. Here were some of mine; I am too busy, my house is a mess I should clean it instead, Amirah wore me our and I need a nap too, I just want to rest, and my personal favorite...I had all these ideas while I was driving home yesterday and now I can't think of a single thing to write about, oh well I guess it can wait. Here is me taking the first step to truly be obedient in this blog thing. For me it is simply because God is faithful. If there is one thing I want you to get out of reading this post, these ramblings... it is that God is faithful, He is faithful all the time, and lately for me, He is faithful even when I am not, because He loves me right where I am and I am enough for Him.
              He is faithful, he is always faithful...even when I am not. As a christian, and growing up as a christian there were certain things I put in a box titled "How To Be A Good Christian". I big component of this box as I was growing up was not ever the thought that I could earn my way to heaven, thankfully I always knew that was impossible. It was about not wasting what God had given me, living up to the sacrifice He had made for me life. I have always deeply wanted that sacrifice to really mean something in this world because He made it for me. I honestly believe that this is an idea many christians either ignore (a majority in fact), or take to the other extreme and fill their lives with works because they want to please God. They want to bring Him joy. That has always been my heart. This is truly in it's purest form such a wonderful, beautiful, and potentially fruit-bearing way to live your life. There can be an issue though, when it is not in it's purest form... then it becomes about legality, and what you're not doing. That has been me on and off forever.
                 Ultimately in our unfaithfulness and disobedience He is always faithful, and He meets us where we are at. So here I am committing to writing posts out of obedience to what He has asked me to do because he is faithful.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Here We Go!

It's been two years since I last posted on this blog... I had assumed I was done. It was good. Then over the last year or so I have tried to decide whether or not I should pick this back up. In the last 4-6 months I have not been able to shake the idea that I needed to get back to it.

Honestly, I hate blogging. It is like putting my whole heart out there, and all the precious things God is teaching me, sharing it all with the world. Anyone and everyone could love or hate what I am sharing, and it feels very vulnerable... easy to decided to not do anymore. However I need to be obedient. God has been teaching me so many things these last two years, and I need to share. Other blogs have blessed me so much, so here is my chance to maybe/ hopefully pass that blessing along.

With that said... watch for more posts. Posts about the amazing things God is teaching. Fair warning... many will be about learning to not live in fear,  learning how to be content where I am at, recognizing my purpose and my mission where God has placed me, and relearning how good and trustworthy our amazing King of Kings really is...

I have been flooded with ideas of what to blog about. (even though now I am drawing a blank wondering why this seemed like a good idea a week ago...)

Time to be uncomfortable, and share. :)

Thursday, July 5, 2012


Why is it so hard to trust, yet so embedded in God's plan for each of our lives? Everywhere we turn around we are asked to trust someone or something else, yet most of us are raised to stand up for ourselves, defend ourselves, and trust no one but ourselves. What of this is actually biblical apart of God's design? Certainly He doesn't want a bunch of push overs, but he doesn't want a bunch of angry, bitter, selfish people either. Can we build good solid relationships that build up and encourage each other in Christ without trust? Can we learn from one another with out trust? Can we have healthy marriages and families without trust? Can we follow Christ whole heartedly without trust?

Trust is part of God's design, a key part of his design. His kingdom is designed around relationships, a relationship with Christ where we trust Him completely with our lives, more trust than we are ever asked to give anyone else. Relationships with spouses, where we ideally trust our spouses like Christ and the church. Relationships within family, that are called to resemble the relationship between God the Father and His son. Yes trust is a huge part of our life following Christ.

Here is some food for thought on trust straight from our source for truth... :

Psalm 56:3 "Even when I am afraid I will trust in you."
Psalm 115:9 " Israel, trust the Lord. He is your helper and shield."
Psalm 31:14 " I trust you, O Lord. I said, "You are my God."
Psalm 56:11"I trust God. I am not afraid. What can mortals do to me?
Psalm 33:21 "In him our hearts find joy. In his holy name we trust."
Psalm 37:3 "Trust the lord, and do good things. Live in the land, and practice being faithful."
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding."
Acts 27:25 "So have courage men! I trust God that everything will turn out as he told me."
2 Timothy 1:12 "For this reason I suffer as I do. However, I'm not ashamed. I know whom I trust. I'm convinced that he is able to protect what he had entrusted to me until that day."
Romans 10:9 "If you declare that Jesus is Lord, and believe that God brought him back to life, you will be saved."
Hebrews 13:6 "So we can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can mortals do to me?"

1 Corinthians 11:1 "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."
                  - Trusting those God has asked you to serve under, that they are following Christ. Trusting leadership.
Ephesians 5:22-23 "Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority. The husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. it is his body, and he is its Savior."
                  - Trust, to allow your husband to lead your family takes great trust... and is first learned as you trust Christ to lead you in your life...
Ephesians 5:33 "But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands."
                - Mutual trust to supply that basic desire with in our relationships, love and respect.

I know there are so many more verses about trust, trust between followers of Christ and Christ, trust between spouses, trust even between parents and their children, children trust that their parents are going to take care of them. Even trust between Jesus and God the Father.

I guess I say all of this to say that I believe at the root of so many relationship issues whether it is between spouses, friends, family members, ourselves or even our relationship with Christ stem from a lack of trust. A fear that is separating us from having the full relationships God intends for us to have. A fear that we will be hurt, lead astray, abandoned, or judged. Yet there is so much freedom in trust! As we learn to trust we are set free from these fears, and our relationships go to a new level. A level where we share things with others we wouldn't have before, and we have the new freedom to walk through our life with others at our side and then to do the same for others. Freedom to be ourselves, we have to trust ourselves, and who God says we are in order to truly be ourselves...

So I challenge you, and I challenge myself... let's continue to take bigger steps to believe what God says about us, to believe the best about others, and to trust... if you are having issues in your relationships examine this issue of trust, is there something there that you don't trust? Why? What can be done to solve that? I am not saying lets throw down our guards, logic and common sense... that would be unwise. I am just saying lets turn from our culture of self-reliance and open ourselves up a little to trust others so that we have can the meaningful relationships God has created us to desire and to have. Sometimes the hardest people to trust are those closest to us. Start with little things... :)

Friday, May 11, 2012

Where am I at?...

Ever stop to wonder where you are really at? You don't feel like you fit, or are where you want to be, but aren't sure why? That's how I have been feeling. I have wondered about where I belong. Wondered if I am truly living my life to the fullest. I am not sure.

When I was younger I felt recklessly and sometimes even hopelessly in love with and abondoned to God. Now, often days I wonder where my affections truly lie. I love God, I desire for Him to be the purpose behind all that I do, but more often than not I find myself wondering if my actions line up with my words. If I have lost sight of what it really means to be truly in love with God, in my everyday life. Or is it that I have just simply grown up. I have a better understanding of who He is, and love Him for that, but I also understand that it is not always about just acting abondoned but a condition of the heart that is lived out day to day. If maybe before it was the newness, and now it is the everyday... but I don't want to have an ordinary life, and an ordinary relationship with God, I want to be reckless, in love, excited, and always feeling passionate... do I have to always have to feel that to be one of the ones that helps work to change the world? 

( I wrote this top part about 1-2 weeks ago, and have been mulling over a response to my own questions, and asking God to show me where I am at, below is what I have concluded so far...)

I don't know.

However here is what I do know. God knows where I am at, He knows who He wants me to be. He has given me the things that I love and that I hate for a reason, and I trust that as I trust Him, He is going to continually change me. The great thing about this is that He does it His way, His timing, and that can look, feel and be different from time to time. When I was younger I was so worried that I would miss "it, that I would make a wrong choice and miss God's best for me. Then as I got older and walked through trials I feared what God was going to ask me to do. I feared that I would be asked to step out in ways I didn't want to, that would be uncomfortable, and even get hurt. Guess what?! These fears I faced, and not only survived but strengthen my faith because God brought me through my fear and I survived it! I remember the person that was discipling me at the time pointing out that if I was trusting God and doing my best to follow Him that I would not miss what He had for me because I have the Holy Spirit in me. So true! The fear of what God would ask me to do I think is kind of a good fear, in the sense that we should count the cost of following Christ, however what I have learned is that it is so very very very important to remember that our God loves us more than anything, and that He always has our best interest at heart. So if we trust Him no matter how scary, ugly, gross, or even awful it may seem, it is going to be more than ok, because He knows what He is doing, and it is all for our best, and above all these are wonderful chances for Him to be glorified in BIG ways!

Ok, so I say all of that to say this, God leads us through each season to make us into who He wants us to be. If Christ is on the throne of our hearts then we won't miss what He has in store for us. I hope my fear of becoming complacent, or losing my passion for Christ is a sign of God stirring something even bigger in me now. A process He is walking me through to re-evaluate where I am at, and the choices I am making. How awesome is it that we have a God who meets us exactly where we are at, and is without changing who we need Him to be in that season in life. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8, so it can't be Him changing it must be me, my view of Him, and the new lessons He is teaching me. Right now God is revealing Himself to me in the little areas, and encouraging me in some of those same small areas. I am in awe... maybe this day to day thing, though is it not as flashy, emotional, or charismatic, is the way to truly glorify Him, and serve Him in my everyday life. To always trust that, "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God- those whom he has called according to his plan." Romans 8:28.