So often we focus on what we are not doing. Which can lead to a spin of guilt, and lies. The issue with focusing on what you're not doing, or the legality of what you are doing, is that it opens doors for lies. It allows yourself to think of all the ways you are not measuring up, and beat yourself up about all of those ways. This takes your eyes off the prize of Jesus and puts them on the things that may not matter. Now hear me when I say I totally get need to act your way into feelings when it comes to how you feel about doing things God is asking you to do. I get that. I also totally get that our everyday choices come down to choices to draw closer to God and His heart, or not. Both of these things are key elements when it comes to seek and serving our King. However there is a fine line when it becomes not about that. For me it is when life gets busy, and though I have my daily conversations with God, and I am reminded of scripture throughout the day, at the end of the day I get this feeling a of guilt, I never sat down and spent time with God today, I never worked on my blog today, I spent time doing (fill in the blank here) instead of time with God. I can't believe I did that! Then the downward spiral begins, and I start to lose sight in the amazing grace that God has for me. The good news that He loves me. That he valued the 10mins I spent talking with Him in the car that day. That he spoke to my heart when I remembered that verse. That my life is enough for Him. He created me to live. He created me to do exactly what I am doing. He enjoys watching me ride my bike, and speaking to me in the quiet of a solitary bike ride. He enjoys watching me take care of my family, and speaks to me as I am doing dishes, folding laundry and playing with Amirah. Why? Because He enjoys me. He created me for His enjoyment, for relationship with Him, and apart of that relationship is caring for the things He has given me to care for, and seeking Him.
When I focus in on what I am not doing, I am suddenly not enough. I quickly become not enough for myself, and that very quickly shifts to not enough for my family and for God. The wonderful thing is that He is faithful. He is faithful to walk through each and every season with us. The seasons that are so sweet and wonderful where we are spending hours of quality alone time with Him, and the seasons that we feel lucky to get the few scriptures from our phone before we roll out of bed in the morning, and 30mins in that car with Him, and every season in between. He is faithful to meet us where we are at. To use us in ways we don't expect or don't want to expect. To bring us through uncomfortable times, and to bring us into wonderful contentment. To bring us through season of growing and learning and sharing, and to bring us through dry, lonely, and quiet times. He is faithful.
To wrap up this long post... He is faithful when I am not, He is faithful even when I am disobedient, and a relationship with Him is so much more simple than we try to make it. Believe in the sacrifice that Jesus made for you. Accept that sacrifice, and life like someone who has had someone else die for them. Don't make it about your works alone, but about bring joy to Him, glory to our Lord. Don't allow anything to creep in and tell you that you are not enough. You were enough when Jesus died on that cross for you, you were enough when you are buried in your sin, shame and guilt. You are enough. You are enough as He brings you through healing, and restoration. He loves you right where you are right now.
My husband and I love music, and it is a way for us to really connect and even be honest with God even when we feel like it is hard. It is also a way that God uses to speak to us often. Two songs I haven't been able to shake lately are:
"This I Believe" By Hillsong worship which is just a declaration of what I believe. Simple, true and refreshing.
"Here's My Heart" By David Crowder, which I guess is just Crowder now... but it also is such a simple song and truly is the cry of my heart, and has been for as long as I can remember, someone finally put words to what my heart longs for. At least that is what it feels like right now.
Here are some of the words to this beautiful song:
" Here's my heart Lord , speak what is true. "
"I am found, I am yours, I am loved, I'm made pure, I have life, I can breathe, I am healed, I am free."
"Cause you are strong, you are sure, you are life, you endure, you are good, always true, you light breaking through"
"Here's my life Lord, speak what is true"
"You are more than enough, you are here, you are love, you are hope, you are grace you're all i have you're everything."
"Speak what is true"
My prayer is that wherever you are at, whatever you might be wrestling with God over, that He would speak what is true, clearly to your heart, and you would always remember that you're value and you're worth, is no dependent on what you do. It is dependent on what Jesus did.